I always knew that I wanted to breastfeed my child... well, at least to give it my all in trying to breastfeed my child. Due to friends having babies before me, I knew that breastfeeding wasn't necessarily going to be easy - in fact, most people had found it rather difficult initially, requiring quite a bit of assistance to get it right. So when Lily arrived and my milk hadn't come in yet, I allowed the hospital staff to top her up with formula but insisted it be done by either syringe or cup, which they did. I was on a mission to breastfeed and didn't want her getting used to a bottle.
On day 2 after giving birth, the infamous "blues day", the pediatrician walked into my room and told me in no uncertain terms that my baby was extremely hungry and that she didn't foresee me being able to breastfeed and that we should introduce the bottle. I was distraught and it was just this comment that sent me into floods of uncontrollable tears. It was the "ugly" cry - the one accompanied by snorts and huge suctioning of air at the same time. Just an incredibly ugly sight!
However, I would not allow the doctor to stop me from persevering. I sent hubby down to the pharmacy to buy me a breast pump which ultimately became my best friend! I loved and was so grateful for my Medela Mini Electric! I pumped and pumped until my colostrum came in and boy did I have a lot. We then fed this to Lily via syringe and cup so by the next day, the doctor actually congratulated me on my perseverance and the fact that Lily was now getting what she needed. I now always tell friends, if you battle in the beginning, get a breast pump immediately and give that "liquid gold" to your baby.
When we got home I started using nipple shields which enabled Lily to drink from me, but unfortunately after a week, my nipples were in such excruciating pain that I just couldn't bare to let her drink. I would stand with my hands covering my nipples while in the shower as the water touching them would be far too painful! I went for daily lazer treatment, expressed milk for every feed and ultimately called a lactation specialist. The lactation specialist was my life saver and after only one feed with her, we figured it out! Mommy learned how to get Lily to latch and Lily learned how to latch on properly from there. My mom always told me that even though it's incredibly difficult in the beginning, it gets easier and easier until you eventually can't believe you ever even had a problem. It was hard for me to believe her, but after a few weeks, it became second nature!
And here we are, almost 11 months later and Lily is still breastfeeding. I am so grateful that I was able to give her such a great start in life and that we could share the incredible bonding experience - just the two of us. But now I've started to notice that my milk is dwindling and I just can't seem to let go. I want to try everything to keep her on the breast for a little longer. Who knew it would be so hard to let your baby move on? We are now down to 3 feeds a day and I'm doubtful that Lily is getting much milk from those feeds, so I am topping her up with half a bottle of formula - something I really just can't seem to get used to doing.
I suppose I should be proud and happy of the fact that she has been on breast milk for longer than most babies, but it is still sad that the time is coming where she is slowly drinking less and will be on my boobs less... Another little milestone that I'm not quite ready to see happen.
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