Pustular Tonsillitis

My poor baby girl is sickies and really sick for the first time in her little life.  After our visit to the doctor yesterday, he confirmed that the reason for her sleepless nights and her high temperatures, is because she has Pustular Tonsillitis.  This form of tonsillitis presents itself as puss like areas on her little inflamed tonsils.  Poor little baby... And even though she has a very sore throat and perhaps an achy body and headache, she continues to smile, chat, laugh and play.  She is really such a happy little munchkin.

The doctor's prognosis explains why she hasn't been sleeping during the day and then waking up at night.  The last 3 nights have been so incredibly tough.  I suppose I have been lucky in the past with a baby that slept relatively well and never kept me up for hours at night, but now I know what some other mothers have to endure.  She has been waking up at around 1am and due to me administering suppositories to relieve her fever, she wakes up completely and thinks it's time to chat and play.  She has been doing so until around 4am when I eventually manage to get her back to sleep.

Today was the first time ever that I felt completely overwhelmed.  As I was trying to rock her to sleep for her morning nap and she was simultaneously fighting me (although she was completely exhausted), the tears just rolled down my cheeks.  I felt so frustrated and I could feel my heart beating faster at the idea of her not sleeping and me having to face yet another full day with her while I'm completely shattered from lack of sleep.

Sleep deprivation in my opinion, must be the worst form of torture known to man.  It has made me realise how even as much as you love your child, when sleep deprived, your patience can be heavily tested, for which I feel extremely guilty.  I know my child is sick and I know that she may not feel like sleeping or being apart from me, but I can't help but get frustrated at her unwillingness to go down for her morning sleep or for deciding to play at all hours of the morning.  And it is this dilemma that makes the tears stream down my cheeks as I type - she is just an innocent little baby who is ill; she doesn't mean to frustrate me; yet my lack of sleep and utter exhaustion lead me to be impatient with her.  I'm guilt-ridden and sad.

I honestly cannot wait for these antibiotics to kick in and for my little angel to be well again.  The last few days have been terrible and I hope not to have too many of them in the near future.  Seeing your little angel sick and helpless is truly heartbreaking.