Drained...

I am very hesitant to even consider it or to verbalise it too often for fear of it turning to a definite reality, but I think my little Zac has Colic.  I'm desperately hoping and praying that this is not the case and that my darling little boy is only suffering from an inexperienced digestive system which will rectify itself sooner rather than later.  Having had it relatively easy with Lily, I was not prepared for what I've been faced with over the last week or so...

Due to the abdominal discomfort that Zac is experiencing (whatever the cause), he has had me rocking him, shushing him, massaging him, trying to burp him, feeding him more than necessary... Doing absolutely everything I can think of to stop his constant moaning and crying.  Out of pure frustration a few nights ago, I actually asked my hubby (who has been sleeping downstairs in the spare room since Zac's arrival) to please help me!  Nothing I seem to do aleviates his pain and therefore the crying.  It is physically and emotionally draining and I'm exceptionally emotional about the fact that I don't have many moments to bond with my son.  He is far too niggly for me to actually find peaceful moments where I can just gaze into his little eyes and get to know him...  I'm literally tearing up as I type this as I know how incredibly quickly they grow up and I'm losing precious moments.

Having said that though, I do know that this will pass.  However, in the meantime, I am torn.  I'm torn between consoling my newborn baby and then giving my little Lily Pie attention.  Zac's discomfort seems to take priority which once again, pulls at my heartstrings and "Mother's Guilt" sets in.  I have, out of desperation, tried numerous "colic" remedies, something I would never have thought I'd do as I'm very against drugs and non-natural interventions with a baby so young.  I don't want to continue on this road so I'm currently looking at going to a homeopath as well as possibly buying a baby rocker which I believe often helps settle the poor little things.  I'm hoping that something works and soon!

In the past when moms would say the first 6 weeks of a baby's life are the most difficult, I would think to myself that it honestly isn't that bad.  Well... it clearly depends on the type of baby you have!  When I had Lily, she was easy.  I could lay her down and she would easily self-soothe.  She was also a brilliant "burper" and didn't struggle with winds too badly.  Zac on the other hand isn't as easily settled and I seem to have him in my arms constantly.  I have now resorted to having our domestic worker put him on her back in the mornings so Lily and I can get dressed.  Thankfully he seems to enjoy it and does fall asleep.

So even though I'm feeling incredibly drained and anxious with the current situation, I'm still thoroughly enjoying getting to know little Zac better and LOVE seeing how fond Lily is of him.  She constantly wants to hold or kiss him which I'm just so grateful for.  The last thing I need right now is a jealous toddler especially while Zac is so needy.  So, slowly, we are getting more and more used to our little family of 4 and hopefully the next update on little Zac will be more positive and he will have outgrown his discomfort.

PS.  On a brighter note, Zac gave me his first smile at 3 weeks old and confirmed it with another smile last night, one day before he turned 4 weeks :)

Sleeping in mommy's arms - 26 days old